|
 DEAD
GIRL ON FILM/KITTY KILLERS (Sub
Rosa) 2003. Horror. Too long. Rated R. This was the worst double
feature I have ever experienced! I was ready to call Sub Rosa and ask for
my hours back. 'Dead Girl On Film' was so bad I had to turn it off, I shut
this movie off mere minutes before the "climactic end" because I
simply didn't give a fuck what happened.
Obviously, the move is written and directed by
the same loser who stars in it, and the one redeeming thing about this
film is that the guy "Jimmy" looks EXACTLY like Natalie from
'The Facts Of Life." They even have the same haircut! If this guy had
one of those boarding school uniforms on you would swear it was Natalie.
You remember, the plumpish girl with the bangs who played sidekick to
Blair, Jo, and Tutti? Yes, that right, this GUY has the same bangs as
Natalie.
Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy a low
budget horror movie, some of my favorite films are low budget horror
movies, even no-budget horror movies, and I can appreciate the concept of
Gonzo filmmaking (no script or plan), but this movie was absolute trash. I
wish this was Gonzo Filmmaking!
Here's the lame-ass story line: Two guys make
some "supposedly" S & M movies, then decide to take it a
step further, did they do it? I don't know, or care!
Everyone involved in this movie deserves to be
drawn and quartered, then dismembered, and their body parts dragged around
by a truck on dirt roads. Shit, that description was better than this
whole movie!
In the second feature, I hoped for some
redemption, but it was futile. This movie 'Kitty Killers: It's A Zen/Death
Thing' is another thrown together piece of shit. It is a fraction better
than the first movie, but still not worth the DVD it's burned on.
A bunch of guys, a la Reservoir Dogs, pull
off some crime. There is a decent crazy old guy in a wheel chair, but if
you're looking for crazy old guys, get a real movie like 'The Bride Of
Frank.
One guy, apparently the zen leader, is part
Aleister Crowley, part Mickey Rourke, but only in the most cliché,
uninteresting ways. For example, he ties off some wounded guys leg so
he'll get gangrene. The guy spouts off some garbage about death and slow
death, but none of it memorable or original.
If you think I am just full of sour grapes, then go
rent it. Go ahead waste your time, your money, and your DVD power, and
then tell me how you feel. You feel chumped, don't ya?
Calling
these two movies "B-movies" is like calling maggot-ridden dog
food yummy. I'd rather be boiled in oil than watch either of these movies
again.- Amy Bugbee
|
