|
 AFTERLIFE
BATTLEFIELD by Johnny Ostentatious (Active
Bladder) Fiction, 2006. 248 pages. This is a terrible analogy, but
I’ll use it anyhow. Reading this book for me was what I imagine it would
be like for an alcoholic who’s told he can have all the free whiskey he
pleases, as long as he drinks it out of somebody’s ass. Sure- in the end
(no stupid pun intended) he’ll have all that satisfying booze in his
belly, but getting to that point isn’t as fun as it would be via less
trying methods.
The concept behind Afterlife
Battlefield is pretty cool. Recent suicides wake up to find themselves
in a place called Holcyon. Immediately upon arrival they’re snatched up
by representatives of either the “good” group (a bunch of right-minded
souls called Mordavers who are led by various earthly mythological
figures) or the “evil” group (called Knopfs- skeleton-like creatures
who were psychopaths in their previous lives- and Bantams, who are
essentially fallen angels). The two sides are about to wage the ultimate
battle for control of the universe. And since God is temporarily asleep,
it’s going to be a tough haul for the Mordavers.
Our hero is Zack Fury, a depressed punk rock loner from
Philadelphia
. His counterpart is Melody Holiday, an indie rock singer from
Australia
who had her own issues back on earth. Together they encounter all sorts of
wild shit that blows their minds but nonetheless does not prevent them
from skillfully battling the bad guys to the end. Ostentatious does a nice
job of fleshing out these characters, along with their various Mordaver
counterparts, with interesting back stories that help set the stage for
their current actions.
Now here’s my fuckin’ problem with all this (the ass-drinking
part, if you will): The dialogue is clunky and clichéd throughout much of
the story- so much so that I found it consistently getting in the way of
my enjoyment of this book. And while the characters sometimes seemed to
think that what they were saying was pretty funny, it rarely came across
that way to me. And, because I’m such a goddamn dialect snob, even
Basildon, an eleven inch high spider who’s a court jester of sorts (and
who I actually did think was kind of amusing), pissed me off a little bit.
He’s supposed to be of British origin, but his accents rambles from
stereotypical movie butler to Cockney lad to, at times, pirate-speak. I
had a hard time concentrating on what was going on with him because I kept
thinking that nobody (not even a spider in a sci-fi novel) would actually
talk this way.
Anyhow, that’s my only beef with this book. If you’re not as
uptight about dialogue as I am, I think you should definitely check Afterlife
Battlefield out. Johnny Ostentatious has a great imagination and has
truly come up with some original, fantastic creatures and scenarios.
He’s also put this book out independently, and I really admire the way
he’s gone about doing it. And maybe for you it will be more like
drinking out of a glass (or at least your dream girl’s bellybutton) than
somebody’s rectum. –Ben Hunter
|
