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 JONATHON
MORGAN’S BRIDE OF DOUBLE FEATURE (Wicked
Pictures) Adult. 2 hours. XXX, hardcore sex & cheesy violence.
This video is set up like an old 40s double feature complete with coming
(literally!) attractions, which is actually one of the best parts of the
video. There are 5 previews all starring Rip Rockwell, Susie Cheesecake,
and some quick sex shots. These trailers actually had me on the floor
laughing! STAB IN THE DARK is our first feature,
and my favorite of the two. It actually attempts to have a plot and mirror
the classic 40s murder mysteries. Helen and her lover have a plan to kill
her husband for his money, and what better way to do it than fuck the
weak-hearted old coot to death! In the meantime, the maid Consuela
Chugalottacoka, discovers the plan and calls her buddy, Private Eye Dick
Dangerous, and his bumbling assistant (who inexplicably looks like a hobo
clown?!?) in on the case. Stab in the Dark climaxes (for real!) at the
reading of the will where everyone’s true motives are revealed. The
second feature is titled MOMO THE JUNGLE BOY, and is a very bizarre film.
A rich couple goes to Africa on an expedition, where it is revealed that
if the wife dies the husband will get all of her money. She then gets
attacked by a wild animal, but is saved by a hairy half-man-half-ape. She
befriends the creature, who name is Momo. Momo, apparently raised by
monkeys, cannot speak and only knows how to hump legs and such. She takes
Momo back to New York as her “pet,” where he lives in the couple’s
apartment along with the sexy maid. Momo soon gets into an aphrodisiac
lying around and, needless to say, all hell breaks loose.
I found this movie very
amusing. Both are in black and white, but when things get hot and heavy,
the flick switches to color and some bizarre techno music starts blaring.
Instead of trying to be serious, this movie seems to revel in the poor
acting and half-assed plots. At one point, a sexy pizza delivery woman
comes to the door and the guy who answers looks at the camera and says,
“What do you expect? It’s a porn!” and proceeds to have a ménage a
trios with the delivery chick and his woman. Chock full of hardcore sex,
silicone, and Brazilian waxes, This is my kind of porno-hilarious!
-Crystal Ball
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